Tuesday 26 December 2006

Resignation Speech by The World's Most Ridiculous Guy

This is a resignation speech, written by me, Trang the Ridiculous. I write it for fun, so please don't take it seriously or think me mad. I'll be back to normal after you read these lines.

Ladies and Gentlemen, and Distinguished Ridiculous People all over Vietnam,

Here I stand on this rostrum with a sense of deep humility and great pride – humility in the wake of those great ridiculous men who have stood here before me and whose ridiculousness mine shall never catch up with; humility in that today I must close my career of being the World’s Most Ridiculous; and pride in seeing that there are and will be thousands of candidates for this noble pedestal so that I would not leave behind me an empty chair.

Here are centered the spirit of ridiculousness of all people living in this land. Yes, there’s no exaggeration in saying that our beloved, revered motherland is where ridiculous men of all times come together to build up a stunningly brilliant example of ridiculousness for the world to follow. To put it in a shorter way, which is not our habit, the place is where the ridiculous meet.

Audiences: Hooray, hooray...

(to each other) How ridiculous! Oh, gosh!

Well, Ladies and Gentlemen, and Distinguished Ridiculous People all over Vietnam,

May I call you for short as My Beloved Comrades? Well, I know for sure that it’s not like a ridiculous person to say something short, but allow me, please, on this special occasion, to do something that goes against our tradition of giving long speeches with long sentences and structures and meaningless phrases. Yes, My Beloved Comrades. Today, however, we gather here to witness the resignation of a person who has devoted his own life to our common cause of building a country of the ridiculous, who has helped founding the Association of the Ridiculous Vietnamese, ARV, who has done everything he could to earn himself the title of The World’s Most Ridiculous. Yes, that prominent figure is ME, Quat.

Audiences: Hooray, hooray...

(to each other) How ridiculous! Oh, gosh! Oh, bravo, bravo!

Silence, silence, please. I am really moved to feel the enthusiastic admiration you have given me, for which I thank you. With all humility I now say that I have constantly tried my best to gain and to hold strictly the noble title of The World’s Most Ridiculous. I believe that to some degree, I deserve it. I have not done anything to be ashamed of. I have not let anyone deprived me of this pedestal, although big efforts have been constantly made to distort my position. Don't you believe it? Really. I couldn't count how much effort they have been making to remove me from the position. However, today, I must close the career, and I do it not because I lost the game, but because of my true wish that I could find myself in a new position, and that there will be other, more ridiculous men to be in my current place.

Audiences: Hooray, hooray...

(to each other) How ridiculous! Listen! He has tried his best. What a pity that he cannot be with us. Gosh... Psssss...Listen!

I know my decision of resignation might hurt you, calling tears from you, evoking fear that the title of The World’s Most Ridiculous, the title that a Vietnamese has proudly gained and Vietnam is now taking pride in, will be lost to a citizen coming from another country. But may you rest assured please. I would love to say, with much and firm belief, that our force is now growing in number. There is a Vietnamese saying that can best describe our current situation, that goes as Những tấm gương lố bịch đang xuất hiện ngày càng nhiều hơn trên mọi miền Tổ quốc. Who of you here can translate it into English? Who? None, huh?

Audiences (embarrased) Well, eh, eh...

OK, you’ll see, we are making brilliant examples for the world to follow. In fact, they have a long long way to go before they can catch up with us. So don’t worry, My Beloved Comrades. No one can take away from us the noble position of The World’s Most Ridiculous. What we should do now is to reinforce in a trim line-up to show the world that they can never expect to be ridiculous as we are now. They can never dream of that. Let’s show the world that we are number one in ridiculousness, and will always be the same. I am closing my years of service, and I am calling for reinforcement to build up a stronger alliance. Come on, My Beloved Comrades, go forward!

There’s one thing I must tell you all, that is when I look at you, I am convinced that thousands faces in here can be my follower, and will efficiently replace me as The World’s Most Ridiculous, and they will even be shining in it much more than I did.

Audiences (weeping)

May I express my sincere esteem for you, My Beloved Comrades? And like the old soldier of that ballad, I now close my career and just fade away, a soldier who has tried to do his duty as God gave him the light to see that duty.

I salute you, My Beloved Comrades. Good Bye.

Audiences: Hurrah, hurrah, hurrah...