Monday 25 December 2006

When I...

When I was small and went to school, if I came across any mistake made by teachers, I called them fools.

When I was at university, if I got bad marks and bad comments from teachers, I called them sons/daughters of a bitch.

When I saw some people (some but not all) weep at my father’s, my cousins’, and my friends’ funerals, I called them hypocrites.

When I went to work, and witnessed the management system in state-owned institutions I’ve been to, I called them embodiment of mismanagement and corruption.

When my ex-lover said he was too busy to spend more time with me, I called him a liar.

When I saw the closedown of VNN TV, I knew that I would be the last person on earth to shed even the tiniest tear for it. When I saw my workmates cry, I called them kids.

When I saw that all and kept my mouth shut, I called myself a coward.

When I spoke all that out, I called myself a fool.

And so on.

My friend asked me: “Trang, will you ever write something good?”

I think he should rewrite the question as, “Trang, will you believe in something good?”

Can’t remember since when I have become such a person of no belief, who always keeps in mind ill thoughts about people. Though I know it’s bad, I failed to think another way.

When I write all these down, I don’t know what I should call myself.